Case Study: Eskrid's Great Return & Immediate Revolt

Deep dive article (5-minute read) as part of Layer 8 Insights in THE STATIC newsletter

When tech compliance firm Eskred announced its mandatory five-day return to the office, it dubbed it “a strategic mobilisation.” What followed was closer to an uprising.

A senior reporter at the much maligned yet voraciously devoured newspaper, The Business Whisper (TBW) broke the story. The front page featured a series of leaked internal emails alongside the now-infamous employee handbook, RTO Code of Conduct (copy at the bottom), which apparently sparked the revolt.

What follows is the raw, unredacted trail of emails that lay bare the unravelling of trust between employees and Eskred’s management team.

[EMAIL 1: RTO MANDATE – FROM HQ]

From: Chief Culture Officer
To: All Eskred Employees (excluding management)
Subject: Better Together Through Shared Space

Dear Team,
As part of our vision to elevate in-person community and accountability, all employees are required to return to the office five days a week, starting on Monday.
We believe the workplace is more than a location – it’s the source of innovation, learning, mentoring, with occasional micromanagement that helps employees thrive.
We look forward to seeing you in person, on time, and in full compliance.
Warmly,
Office of Contrived Culture

[EMAIL 2: FROM MANAGER TO TEAM]

From: Nevin Snivell
To: Team Better Together. Yay!
Subject: RTO Particulars
Hi All,
You’ve seen the all-staff email from Culture. I’ve just been given the specifics. Letting you know that the policy applies to everyone, including:

• Those who live two hours away (consider leaving earlier!)

• Those permanently assigned to client sites (we can rotate in)

• Those who insist on working remotely (you’ll be given extra time to walk up and down the foyer, aimlessly).

No exceptions... obviously. Togetherness is for everyone.
Hope that makes sense,
Nevin

[EMAIL 3: HR TO CEO]

From: Sharen Fletcher, Head of People
To: Moses Michaels (CEO)
Subject: Staff Conduct and Kettle Incident
Dear Moses,
TL;DR:
Post-RTO, after-hours ‘collaboration’ turned into drunken séances in the Strategy Room. Someone also left the kettle on and set the kitchen (and microwave) on fire. Intern/firefighter Jenny saved the day. Suggest addressing all this at the next town hall. Please advise.
ALR:
Following the RTO rollout, several teams have embraced collaboration after hours, which we’d usually support, but these became what the ‘Dibber Dobbers’ called "drunken seances dialling in dead relatives" in the Strategy Room.
Also, someone left the kettle on during a Saturday work session. They returned to their desk to troubleshoot a JIRA ticket, forgot about it, and set the kitchen on fire. The microwave exploded too. We were fortunate that Jenny, the Intern who is also a part-time volunteer firefighter when she’s not in the office shredding our confidential contracts, handled the fire extinguisher like a pro, saving us millions of dollars. (Note: We probably should get her a $25 Myer Gift card for her fast thinking and bravery.)
In any case, please advise how you'd like us to handle these ‘incidents’ in the next town hall.
Best,
Karen

[EMAIL 4: TOWN HALL ANNOUNCEMENT]

From: Head of Internal Communications
To: All Staff
Subject: Mandatory Town Hall – Friday, 5 pm
Dear All,
Please attend the mandatory Town Hall (yes, even you, DevOps).

Town Hall Agenda:

• Reminder: Respect Shared Air. Use of deodorant is mandatory.

• RTO Bathroom Policy: Two breaks max per day. No.2’s are banned (do this at home).

• Headphones On: Nobody wants to hear your self-serving directives or your team whining about dumb customers.

• Kitchen Rules: The 4-minute kitchen dwell-time rule does not apply when the kettle is on the stove. Fires and exploding microwaves ruin morale.

• After Hours Etiquette: ‘Responsible Consumption of Alcohol’ does not include use of Ouija Boards and mingling with the spirit world.

The Town Hall will be recorded, eye-rolls will be monitored, and Slack messages will be reviewed.
Thanks heaps,
Eskred Comms

[EMAIL 5: CFO PANIC EMAIL]

From: Clive Ledger, CFO
To: All Staff
Subject: help. urgent. pls read.
HELP
I’m locked in my office.
Ben from Product has lost it
New finance system pushed him over
He keeps coming at me asking if I want to be hit with a giant bag of Snickers he’s holding in one hand or the employee handbook he’s waving around in his other
OMG - he just screamed he’s going to “audit me manually.”
I’ve tried talking to him, it's not working.
pls call the police
or hostage negotiator??
He’s muttering something about EBITDA lies and Q2 betrayal.
typing fast sorry for errors
pls send help!
- cl

[EMAIL 6: EMPLOYEE UPRISING ANNOUNCEMENT]

From: [email protected]
To: All
Subject: The Uprising
Comrades,
Ernest from Ops has led a march to the boardroom armed with click pens, disinfectant wipes and a Bluetooth speaker blasting motivational hold music. We walked in as the external consultant was mid-pontification. They were projecting the Q4 strategy via slides so ugly and complicated that the entire mob puked in unison.
Luca, the SysAdmin, jumped on the table and yelled, "Viva La People!”. Everyone cheered. It was glorious.

To Management:

We have demands:

• Friday drinks must include $40+ wines and upmarket Sushi

• Minimum 30-minute lunch breaks

• Three (3) toilet breaks a day. No.2s allowed.

To the rest of you: Join the rebellion or stay plugged into The Matrix.

In solidarity,
Harriet

[EMAIL 7: CHAIRMAN’S FINAL MESSAGE]

From: The Chairman
To: All Eskred Staff
Subject: Back to WFH and focussing on what matters: Our share price
Dear Colleagues,
After careful review of recent feedback, fire reports, and hostage transcripts, we are reversing our RTO mandate.
Please resume working from home until further notice. You are encouraged to:

• Take 3 walks a day (5 minutes is just enough time to do breathwork while facing the sun)

• Enjoy flexible hours (40 hours as per employment contracts, 70 hours still optional)

• Use your manager as a therapist (after hours only)

Let’s move forward without further compounding shareholders’ anxiety.
With warmest regards (and weighted blankets coming soon to your home office),
Eskred Board Chair

About Eskred
Eskred is an enterprise surveillance and productivity compliance platform for risk-conscious organisations that need confident, unquestioned employee obedience. Using advanced AI analytics, Eskred provides real-time visibility into workforce alignment, engagement trends and compliance metrics. With 30 offices scattered across regional and city locations, Eskred employs over 200 staff and proudly services 1,153 clients (names withheld due to NDAs).

For your edification, read The Employee Handbook: Part policy, part workplace control fantasy. Download now

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