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Tech Waffle Torture Explained - We tell you what corporate speak really means. You’re welcome.

Sustainable AI: Because We Care About The Planet

Original:
“We’re committed to sustainable AI that minimises environmental impact.”

Translation:
Our data centre uses the same amount of energy as a mid-sized European country, but don’t worry, we planted 14 trees and filmed it for LinkedIn.

Meaningfully Shallow Values – You get them as short and sweet ugly truths

Resilience

Grit
“Your ability to bounce back from burnout and a full-scale psychotic breakdown is genuinely inspiring to our leadership team whose bonuses just went up thanks to your never-give-up, never-die attitude.”

Stamina
“When a ‘stretch target’ is really a test of whether you can power through 12 hours on just bulletproof coffee, an 11pm kale–spirulina–raw egg shake, and a 3am emergency shot of electrolytes that tastes like melted batteries.”

Durability
“Your capacity to work 20 hours a day, squeeze in two gym sessions, and still answer Slack at midnight is commendable. Self-injected vitamin C needles are also available for an extra boost.”

Savage Takedowns – Spectator sport or heed the lesson

Russia’s Humanoid Hope… Immediately Face-Planted
In case you missed it, at a recent technology showcase in Moscow, AIDOL, touted as Russia’s first humanoid AI robot, walked onto the stage to the Rocky theme and then promptly collapsed face-first. The lights flickered, the crowd winced, and footage of the fall went viral, drawing universal derision.

Spectator Sport
Watching a flagship robot eat the floor while Rocky blares is peak tech theatre. AIDOL’s face-plant fits perfectly into today’s hype loop – bold promises, fragile execution.

Heed the Lesson
In the race to be ‘first’ with the latest and greatest, tech companies keep sprinting onto stages undercooked. A little extra preparation might prevent the global mockery that follows when your breakthrough invention can’t survive its own debut.

Corporate Contagions – A field guide to the behaviourial disorders infecting the tech industry

PowerPoint Stockholm Syndrome

A psychological condition in which both the presenter and the audience develop an unhealthy emotional dependence on slide decks.

Victims can no longer process spoken information without a title slide. If you dare show up to a meeting without a deck – armed only with a brain and words – you will trigger visible distress. Eye twitching at the very least.

Presenters are equally afflicted. They cannot communicate a simple update without building a 42-page narrative arc featuring stock photos of improbably attractive ‘office people’ smiling like they’ve never worked a real job in their lives.

There is no known cure. You can try a PowerPoint-free meeting but most victims will experience immediate withdrawal: cold sweats, confusion, and an uncontrollable urge to reformat your sentences into bullet points.

If left untreated, advanced cases will start creating PowerPoints for things like holiday plans, personal disagreements, and household chores.

Approach with caution. Anyone held captive by PowerPoint Stockholm Syndrome does not want to be rescued – they just want a slide title for the rescue effort.

LinkedIn Popularity Templates – Syrupy, self-congratulatory. Surprisingly effective.

Template 26: The ‘End-of-Year, Ease-Out’ Post

Entering December with purposeful calm, intentional spaciousness, and a deep commitment to protecting my energy… mostly because I can’t be bothered. 🌙

Reframing my end-of-year paralysis as ‘restful alignment’ and ‘seasonal recalibration’.

Productivity will resume once I remember where I put it. 🤔

I’ve also begun scheduling ‘strategic alignment meetings’ with clients which is code for slipping out to long boozy Christmas lunches. 👥

Yesterday I even booked a two-hour ‘deep focus block,’ during which the only thing I focussed on was a cheese board and whether I deserved another cocktail. 🍸🍸

If you too are gently collapsing into Xmas holiday-mode, sprinkle a few🎅.

#PaidToBePresentOnly #CorporateHibernate #CocktailPoweredCalm

Got some naval gazing or philosophical musing you’d like to turn into a syrupy LinkedIn post? Reply to this email with your request and I’ll do my best.

Not Good News – Tech’s weekly highlight reel of hubris, hypocrisy and cringe

AI Ambition Meets Human Resistance
Over 1,000 Amazon workers, backed by thousands more in tech, have signed an open letter warning that the company’s ‘all-costs-justified’ AI rollout threatens democracy, jobs, and the climate, and calling for limits on carbon-heavy data centres, surveillance uses, and forced AI adoption.
My Take
Tech leaders are signalling they’ll win the AI race at any price, while employees are finally pushing back refusing to be collateral damage. Time will tell whether workers gain a real say in AI, or just live with the consequences.

Online Safety Spars Free Speech War
Australia’s eSafety Commissioner, Julie Inman Grant, was summoned by the US House Judiciary Committee in late November to justify how Australia’s Online Safety Act is being enforced beyond its borders. The committee’s chair has branded her a “zealot for global takedowns” and implied Australia threats American free speech.
My Take
This is a clash between America’s near-sacred free speech and Australia’s approach to protecting its citizens. What’s alarming to me is that we’re at the juncture of having to weigh genuinely harmful content against the risk of government taking away our ability to choose for ourselves. Because once a government decides what we’re allowed to see ‘for our own good’, it’s only a short step to deciding what we’re allowed to think.

What The Fluff (WTF)?! – Decoding tech, something that linguists, philosophers, and your boss refuse to do

Layer 8 Insights – Regular deep dives that explore the human error in tech.