^{CHITTER CHATTER}

Apple Gets A Taste of it’s Own Nasty Medicine

Apple is suing OpenAI, alleging it encouraged former Apple employees to take confidential designs, prototypes, supplier details and other trade secrets into its hardware division. The lawsuit claims recruits were coached to evade security controls and bring components to interviews. In the complaint, Apple used strong language, such as “OpenAI’s nascent hardware business now rests on the shakiest foundations, rotten to its core by its illegal reliance on misappropriated trade secrets.” OpenAI denies any of the accusations, of course. Also, according to this article, “over the years, Apple has itself faced lawsuits from companies accusing it of using remarkably similar tactics: recruiting away key employees and then using their knowledge to build competing products.” Oh the hypocrisy.

Still Employed. For Now.

You’ve just celebrated on LinkedIn a new job or role. Don’t get too comfortable because it might disappear any time. That’s because layoffs are becoming a permanent management practice rather than a response to a crisis. Welcome to the new normal in 2026 and beyond. Even if a company is profitable, it’s now standard practice to make small recurring cuts throughout the year. What this gives you is constant uncertainty, lost knowledge, battered morale and top performers leaving even as some companies rehire roles they cut too quickly. All I can say is be on guard and watch out for word salad statements from leaders like: “We need to become a faster, leaner and flatter organisation”. “We need to reinvent how we work, with agile teams focused on our highest priorities.” “These changes are necessary to reduce complexity and operate with greater velocity.” Blah, blah, blah. Make the cuts, but at the least, use plain English.

Tech Hype

Big Tech’s Demented Bet on AI

Imagine I’m tipping a bucket of ice-cold water over your head and mine. Now read this: Microsoft and Big Tech have poured more than US$1 trillion into AI, despite what analyst Ed Zitron calls “almost demented levels of hype”. OpenAI reportedly burned US$20.9 billion in 2025 as costs rose with revenue and margins worsened. Some companies now find human labour cheaper and more effective than AI, while others are restricting the use of tokens. Microsoft’s shares have fallen 22%, Copilot holds less than 10% market share, and many promised data centres remain unfinished. But anyway, I still love AI, so tipping a bucket of cold water over my head to shock myself back to reality feels more masochistically thrilling than sobering. 😊

Weird Tech

Humane Killing Machine

Tech startup Shinkei has developed a refrigerator-sized machine that scans each fish, identifies its species, locates its brain, then pierces it and severs the gills, killing it before it can thrash or suffocate. The process is supposedly faster, more humane and better for flavour and shelf life. A painless death, hey? I can think of several human applications. But let’s not go there. Fishing anyone? So relaxing for the the fish and for me. The fish will die but at least they won’t be stressed out.

^SUBTEXT

The Waffle: "We have no interest in other companies’ trade secrets. We remain focused on building innovative technology that empowers people everywhere.” — OpenAI spokesperson

Translation:
“We hired more than 400 former Apple employees purely for their sparkling personalities. Any confidential files that followed them through the door were completely unexpected. We’re focussed on stealing innovative technology that empowers our bottom line.”

A condition in which highly paid technology companies allegedly behave like pickpockets at a train station. Symptoms: aggressive hiring from rivals, confidential files developing legs and former employees arriving with unusually detailed memories. Side effects: lawsuits, denials and spokespersons insisting nobody wanted the stolen goods. Cure: Lock both CEOs in an escape room containing one prototype, two lawyers and no Wi-Fi. Last company standing owns the idea.

AI Tokenomics: The science of discovering that cheaper AI tokens don’t save money when everyone suddenly uses 10 times as many.

^{THE SHALLOW END}

Counterfeiting Human Emotion

AI ‘actor’ Tilly Norwood is set to star in Misaligned, a coming-of-age film about a computer program experimenting with human emotions. The problem, as writer Dave Schilling points out, is that Tilly doesn’t understand time, ageing or mortality. She’s never felt the afternoon sun, missed a deadline or forgotten to move her car. Only time will tell whether stories written, produced, filmed and directed by AI will entertain us. Given the recent stream of Hollywood slop, particularly the reheated yet expensive Disney productions, the robots may not have a very high bar to clear.

Dear Dr Comms
I’m the CEO of a tech company with a growing reputation for lying and dishonesty. Now another company is suing us. How do I flood the media with positive PR until everyone forgets what we allegedly did? Yours, Reputation laundering enthusiast.

Dear Reputation Launderer
When trust is gone, distraction must work harder. Let’s ask the experts:

🐕 Dog Groomer
“Give the company a thorough scrub down, trim the nasty bits and tie a bright pink bow around whatever’s left.”

💐 Florist
“Send flowers to journalists, employees and anyone you may have tricked. Add a personal handwritten note that says, ‘You’re amazing, keep shining’.”

🦎 Office Mascot
“Wear the costume, wave enthusiastically and remember: nobody asks difficult questions of a giant smiling gecko.”

“Is that all there is?” From the movie ‘After Hours’ (1985)

^{BIN THIS…}

‘Agentic operating fabric’
A bunch of AI agents talking to each other.

‘Enterprise cognition framework’
The company would like to appear sentient.

‘Digital nervous system’
Several systems sending panic signals.

‘Self-optimising enterprise’
The business is fixing itself without involving management.

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