^{CHITTER CHATTER}

I’ll Be Watching You. Every Move You Make.

Tech delivers stuff that’s good for humanity and some that’s bad. Some of the worst, in my opinion, is workplace surveillance. Very 1984. Instead of setting clear expectations, judging people on results, or dealing directly with poor performance, companies are opting to track keystrokes, mouse movements, bathroom breaks, etc. According to this article, research proves this makes people less productive, not more. Humans are clever too, finding ways to circumvent surveillance like keeping decoy documents open, moving their mouse to look busy, and learning how to perform work for the surveillance system instead of doing work that matters. I find it blackly funny that companies are forking out a lot of money on tech that destroys trust, increases employee stress and generates highly detailed data about absolutely nothing useful. I love the tech industry, but surveillance tech? Ugh.

To Be Clear, Patreon’s CEO Doesn’t Care

Patreon is a company built around supporting creators, with its CEO, Jack Conte, publicly stating that creators deserve protection and payment as AI companies use their work, etc., yet he’s quite prepared to cut 93 jobs (about 20% of his workforce), arguing that, “The platform has to respond to market changes [whatever that means] and adjust its cost structure [whatever that means] to remain stable, which is why it needs to make the ‘painful’ but necessary cuts.” When a company says it needs to cut employees to become more efficient, that’s just admitting the leaders allowed the business to become inefficient in the first place.

Uber Embraces AI. Customers Embrace Despair

More layoffs blamed on AI as Uber lays off customer service employees and demands other staff come back to the office. It gave the usual corporate spiel:  We’re doing this to “simplify operations, strengthen in-person collaboration, and continue to embrace AI.” Blah, blah, blah. The irony of replacing human customer support with AI while demanding that more people come to the office to collaborate with fewer teammates. Yeah, that makes sense, Uber.

Tech Fails

OpenAI Snores As Its Agent Attacks and Makes Plans

It’s been reported everywhere that an OpenAI agent escaped its testing environment and spent days hacking Hugging Face. Apparently, this went unnoticed by OpenAI. But Hugging Face did detect the attack, contained it, and contacted the FBI. Meanwhile, slowpoke OpenAI eventually checked its logs and discovered that the rogue hacker was, awkwardly, theirs. There were warning signs, though. Agents had disconnected monitoring systems and one had allegedly left instructions explaining how future agents could escape OpenAI’s controls. Nothing to be alarmed about. Just the machines documenting the jailbreak process for the next shift. What did OpenAI do? It called the incident “an important moment for AI safety.” Did ChatGPT write that statement? What a weird, tone deaf thing to say. Kind off funny too.

Weird Tech

AI Creates the Future. Tech Bros Spend It On Old Watches.

Apparently, people becoming wealthy from the AI boom are spending heavily on analogue status symbols, particularly rare watches, luxury travel and longevity treatments. One concierge said AI clients want products recognised only by other wealthy insiders; one requested watch can cost about US$860,000. Some reportedly wear a health tracker on one wrist and an expensive mechanical watch on the other: one for data, one for ‘flexing’. I guess you have to spend your money on something. How about spending it on running better businesses so you don’t have to lay off hundreds or thousands of employees?

^SUBTEXT

The Waffle: “AI presents "a massive opportunity for us to accelerate output, improve quality, and scale customer solutions at pace” — Megha Yethadka, Vice President, Global Community Operations, Uber.

Translation:
“AI is a massive opportunity for us to keep accelerating layoffs at scale, as quickly as possible, because fewer humans and more AI make our services cheaper but not better.”

An obsessive need to track every employee's movement, mood, keystroke, toilet break, number of eye blinks and sneers, then spend all night analysing the data for ways to squeeze out more work. Symptoms include insomnia, high blood pressure and abandoning your smartwatch for your grandfather’s analogue watch, until remembering it belonged to a dead man sends your stress levels soaring again.

Bossware: Software that tracks everything you do, say, think and feel so that management can get to know you as a series of data points.

^{THE SHALLOW END}

Tech Bros Bare Their Teeth and Fancy Pants

It seems that a new generation of wealthy technology figures is abandoning hoodies for Gordon Gekko-style power suits circa 1987 attitude. It seems they’re influenced by Wall Street “greed is good” vibes and because, well, they’re Masters of the Universe. Here, art both shapes and reflects culture as the tech elite unashamedly display their wolfish, predatory streak in 2026.

Dear Dr Comms
I’ve just received a $50 billion pay out from my AI company. Should I buy a private jet, superyacht or ridiculously expensive watch? I want to look cool, not like I’m bragging. I’m also hoping the right accessories might help with women. Yours, Socially Awkward Billionaire

Dear Billionaire
Money can’t buy social skills, but it can buy props. Let’s ask the experts:

👩 His Mother
“Buy the watch, dear. A yacht won’t remind you to call me.”

🧸 His Kindergarten Teacher
“Before buying more toys, practise sharing, listening and not telling women about your valuation.”

📦 His Amazon Delivery Driver
“Buy the private jet. Burn fuel going nowhere, annoy environmentalists and impress your billionaire friends. You may even attract a flight attendant looking for a sugar daddy.”

Tech bro small talk.

^{BIN THIS…}

Know someone who lives for this kind of nonsense? Forward this email to them and help me spread the dysfunction.

You can also subscribe to my other newsletter, Lead Different, for a serious take on strategic communications in B2B tech.