THE STATIC

Roasting tech spin, bluster and puffery.

Laugh at the cringe, unjam your message.

Each week, same sections, fresh hell in a four-minute read.

Tech Waffle Torture Explained - We tell you what corporate speak really means. You’re welcome.

Original Fluff
Our people are our greatest asset. We are committed to fostering a culture of inclusion, continuous learning, and collaborative excellence that drives both personal and organisational growth.

Translated
Our people are assets – like laptops, but harder to replace.
Inclusion means filling out mandatory online training.
Continuous learning = unpaid extra certifications.
Collaboration = endless meetings about nothing.
Personal growth happens when you update your LinkedIn profile

Meaningfully Shallow Values – You get them as short and sweet ugly truths

Empathy. Has its uses.
“I had to let John go today. He was underperforming. But I did it with empathy. He hugged me on the way out.”

I hear you. I just don’t care.
“I used all the listening cues - eye contact, nodding, leaning forward. Then I over-ruled him.”

Kindness. Always.
“I told him he had leadership potential and thanked him for his efforts. Then I promoted someone else.”

Savage Takedowns – Spectator sport or heed the lesson

Google Glass: Failure at First Sight
In 2013, Google bet the future on face-mounted computers. The only problem? No one wanted to look like a cyborg on a coffee run. Privacy concerns, social backlash, and the $1500 price tag turned ‘Glassholes’ into a punchline.

How is this relevant today?
If people don’t understand how a new technology fits into their lives or they don’t trust your story, no amount of innovation will save you.

2025 Update
I wrote the above a few week’s ago. On Tuesday, May 20th, Google CEO, Sundar Pichai announced at the Google I/O 2025 Developer Conference, a new line of AI powered smart glasses developed in partnership with eyewear brands like Warby Parker. Since publication of this newsletter the news has landed with cautious optimism though the market is not yet sold.

Pop Culture Cringe – Out of touch comms worth your time

Recently, Katy Perry and her celeb pals took a joyride on Jeff Bezos’ space toy and declared themselves ‘astronauts.’ That’s right, astronauts. Because apparently strapping in and sipping champagne at suborbital altitude now counts as space exploration.

In B2B IT, this is the comms equivalent of calling a dashboard ‘AI-powered’ because it uses a dropdown menu or renaming your PDF library a ‘digital experience platform.’ If you're inflating language to sound visionary, people will notice, and they’ll mock you, just like they mocked Perry.

Lesson? Words matter. Say what you are, not what you wish you were. Especially when you’re still within Earth’s gravity.

LinkedIn Popularity Templates – Syrupy, self-congratulatory. Surprisingly effective.

Template 1: The Coffee Epiphany Post
This morning, while sipping my coffee, I realised:
Success isn’t about titles.
It’s about impact, resilience, and the quiet moments when nobody’s watching.
Leading with heart and vision isn’t a strategy – it’s a calling. ☕✨
Here’s to building the future with authenticity.

#LeadershipVibes #PurposeDrivenDrivel #GrowthMindset

Copy & paste anytime.

Got some naval gazing or philosophical musing you’d like to turn into a syrupy LinkedIn post? Reply to this email with your request and I’ll do my best.

Dear Dr Comms – When spin fails, we call in the real professionals to fix our stuff-ups

Dear Dr Comms,

We’ve had a cyber breach at our unnamed but heavily advertised superannuation fund. Customer data was exposed. Our first public statement downplayed the issue (“limited impact, no material harm”), but then details leaked showing it was worse than we admitted. Now, members are furious, regulators are sniffing around, and the board wants a ‘quick win’ comms strategy. Seriously panicked! Yours, Spooked – hoping this email gets lost.

Dear Spooked, I’d panic too, and get the hell out of Dodge, but let’s see how the pros would fix it.

🚒 Firefighter:
"Get there faster than the flames. Admit the real extent immediately, no half-truths. Isolate the damage, apologise properly, and don't let small embers reignite the fire."

🛠️ Mechanic:
"Strip it back to the chassis. Identify every broken part - weak security, poor messaging, absent leadership, and replace them. No shortcuts. No duct tape fixes."

🔍 Detective:
"Follow the trail. Who knew what, when? Build a timeline based on evidence, not spin. Confession earns more forgiveness than a cover-up. Then secure the scene. No more leaks, no more lies."

Got a problem you wouldn’t trust the Comms Dr to fix? Reply to this email, I’ll loop in real experts. 

What The Fluff (WTF)?! – Decoding tech, something that linguists, philosophers, and your boss refuse to do

Layer 8 Insights – Fortnightly deep dives that explore the human error in tech.