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Hey You, Welcome! Here’s your weekly dose roasting tech spin, bluster and puffery. Laugh at the cringe, unjam your message.
This week in:
Tech Waffle Torture - Translating a company’s pivot to AI-first
Shallow Values - Communicating hybrid-work flexibility
Savage Takedowns - Intel decline: Boardroom folly in the AI age
Pop culture cringe - Astronomer CEO: Leadership on the Kiss-Cam
LinkedIn templates - Syrupy take on lunching & bonding with colleagues
Dear Dr Comms - A new CEO dodges knives in his back with some help
WTF - Any idea what Frankenstein Stack means? Let’s decode it together!
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Tech Waffle Torture Explained - We tell you what corporate speak really means. You’re welcome.
Original Fluff - Strategy Pivot, transforming to an AI-first tech company
“We’re on a journey to become an AI-first organisation, driven by accelerated upskilling, a future-ready mindset, and a reimagined business model built for the age of intelligent transformation.”
Translated:
AI-first = The CEO mandated everyone use Microsoft Co-Pilot.
Upskilling = watch a webinar in your own time.
Future-ready = leadership’s on the golf course, unaware the ground’s caving in.
Reimagined model = axed 50 senior consultants, hired a 15-year-old who codes in their sleep.
Intelligent transformation = blind panic disguised as progress.
Meaningfully Shallow Values – You get them as short and sweet ugly truths
HYBRID WORK FLEXIBILITY
Flexibility Is Our Culture
“We encourage flexible work hours, just make sure you're online, responsive, and available during all of them.”
Work Anywhere. Technically.
“Sure, you can work from home. But all key meetings, decisions, and praise happen in person.”
Hybrid Means Balance
“We balanced it perfectly: three days in the office, two days feeling guilty about not being in the office.”
Savage Takedowns – Spectator sport or heed the lesson
Intel Decline: Boardroom Folly in the AI Age
In December 2024, Intel’s board finally told CEO Pat Gelsinger to retire after a disastrous year: stock down ~50%, record losses, repeated delays in AI and manufacturing strategy, and being outmanoeuvred by Nvidia and TSMC. Gelsinger’s ambitious ‘foundry-first’ pivot flopped, contracts were lost, and execution stumbled - leading to layoffs and leadership exile.
Why it still matters:
Even seasoned CEOs get left behind when they can’t read the tech terrain. Experience means nothing if you miss the next wave, especially when the board sees you surfing backwards. A timeline on the rise and decline of Intel.
Pop Culture Cringe – Out of touch comms worth your time
Astronomer CEO: Leadership on the Kiss-Cam (Yes, I’m going there).
For the first time in this newsletter, pop culture cringe collides with tech CEO reputation conflagration.
If you’ve been off the grid, you might have missed the recent global fallout of Astronomer’s CEO, Andy Byron, caught on the Coldplay kiss-cam mid-embrace with his Head of HR, Kristin Cabot. The moment went viral - millions of views on socials and memes making light of the situation. The board responded with an internal investigation and the CEO resigned.
In B2B tech this is like…? Hang on, this pop culture cringe is from the serious tech world. It’s a harsh reminder that no matter how lofty your title, your private life is now public content.
Lesson: in an era of zero privacy, reputation and trust are not just fragile, they’re hanging by a thread. So how’s your Reputation Management? Finally, irony stings hardest when your head of HR writes on her LinkedIn bio, “I lead by example and win trust with employees of all levels, from CEOs to managers to assistants.”
LinkedIn Popularity Templates – Syrupy, self-congratulatory. Surprisingly effective.
Template 7: ‘Lunch Time Walk & Bonding with Colleagues’ Post
Today, I had the privilege of sharing a humble lunch and a reflective walk with two former colleagues.
We didn’t just cover my analysis of executive psychopaths, or their 30 years lovingly institutionalised in corporate bliss. We unpacked my Ctrl+Alt+Delete on religion - how one former comrade treats online poker as a sleep aid, and how the other soothes workplace anxiety with daily quizzes that pretend to be team-building.
Because sometimes fellowship is dumplings, a good walk, and weaving between the ambitious and the cheerfully lost.
#ReflectiveWanderings #C-SuiteSavagery #CoporateBliss #WellbeingViaTrivia #PokerDreams
Copy, paste, and walk with us - nourishment is conversation that gently meanders.
Got some naval gazing or philosophical musing you’d like to turn into a syrupy LinkedIn post? Reply to this email with your request and I’ll do my best.
Dear Dr Comms – When spin fails, we call in the real professionals to fix our stuff-ups
Dear Dr Comms
I was recently hired as the CEO of a struggling tech company, with outdated systems, infighting leadership, and morale so low it’s dismal. I came in ready to make changes, but the place closed ranks. No one’s talking, and senior execs are actively undermining me. I need to replace much of the leadership team and reset the culture - fast. But right now, it’s like coding in the dark while someone deletes your lines in real time. Yours truly, CEO – evading sharpened knives.
Dear ‘knives out for you’, CEO,
Sorry, I missed the workshop on ducking blades while staying charming. Over to the real professionals who show you how to decisively take charge and communicate like a boss.
🛫 Air Traffic Controller (high-stakes multitasker, clearing incoming drama at 30,000 feet):
“First, restore comms. Be direct, calm, and constant. Get your signals out: ‘New leadership, clear objectives. Speak up or move on’. Ground the circling egos. One flight path only. Also, reduce the static – collisions happen when the message gets jammed.”
🎂 Baker (4am riser, gluten tamer, thrives where the heat never lets up):
“Start by immediately tossing the out-of-date ingredients, especially the ones calling themselves ‘vital.’ You can’t bake trust from stale bitterness. Set a clean bench. Work the new mix slowly. Culture rises when the conditions are right.”
🎼 Orchestra Conductor (baton-wielding perfectionist, emotional translator, lives for dramatic pauses):
“Don’t try to play every instrument - set the tempo. Choose your first-chair players carefully. Let the rest fall in. Watch who follows the baton and who’s still playing their own solo.”
Got a problem you wouldn’t trust the Comms Dr to fix? Reply to this email, I’ll loop in real experts.
What The Fluff (WTF)?! – Decoding tech, something that linguists, philosophers, and your boss refuse to do
Tech Debt Denial | The confident claim that “we’ll clean it up later,” usually made five years ago. Symptoms include brittle codebases, fragile egos, and one poor developer holding it all together with string, lots of swearing, and sheer willpower. |
Patchwork Prestige | A proud culture of duct-taped brilliance paraded as innovation. Code comments read like cries for help: “TEMP FIX – DO NOT DELETE” and “ASK JANE???” Jane left during the merger. The hack still runs production because no one’s brave enough to remove it. |
Frankenstein Stack | A system made of stitched-together frameworks, half-updated libraries, and three different authentication methods. Nobody knows how it runs, only that if you touch it, it dies. |
Layer 8 Insights – Regular deep dives that explore the human error in tech.
This edition, enjoy the expose of a tech company’s attempt at RTO, titled: Case Study: Eskrid’s Great Return & Immediate Revolt (6-minute read).
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You can also subscribe to my other newsletter, Lead Different, for a serious take on strategic communications in B2B tech.