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Roasting tech spin, bluster and puffery. Laugh at the cringe, unjam your message.

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Tech Waffle Torture Explained - We tell you what corporate speak really means. You’re welcome.

Original Fluff - as seen on a poster for a booth stand

THE LEADING INTEGRATION SOLUTIONS PROVIDER

Connecting Possibility. At Enterprise Scale.

Trusted by 500+ enterprise and mid-market organisations to manage their most critical data.

Find out more at www.justlikeeveryotherblandITcompany.com 

Translated:
We call ourselves ‘leading’ because no one can stop us.

‘Connecting possibility’ means we do system integration but your people are still siloed, and your workflows are still clunky.

The ‘trust’ part? That’s just sales copy. No one trusts a company because of what’s written on a pull-up banner.

Meaningfully Shallow Values – You get them as short and sweet ugly truths

Professionalism Embodied
"He drank whisky from a teacup, burped through Stand Ups and called a grad, ‘a sharp cookie… for a blonde.’ His 22K gold cufflinks on an Eton shirt screamed class so leadership saw executive potential.

Challenger Mindset
"She questioned everything, the strategy, the data - the placement of chairs. Then agued with the buyer CFO about the definition of ‘value’. Ended the meeting by saying, ‘Just playing Devil’s Advocate’. The rest of us played dead."

Appreciation Culture
"Being thanked means getting more of their work, with, ‘I’m trusting you because you always deliver.’ Translation: They appreciate themselves for finding a doormat who won’t say no.”

Savage Takedowns – Spectator sport or heed the lesson

Humane AI Pin: The $700 Wearable That Couldn’t
Touted as a revolutionary AI device, the Humane AI Pin promised to free users from their smartphones. Despite raising over $230 million and backing from tech giants, the device suffered from overheating, limited functionality, and poor user experience. A critic labelled it ‘the worst product’ they'd ever reviewed. By early 2025, the company ceased sales, and the device became obsolete.

Why it still matters:
Substantial funding, industry support, and great storytelling can’t save a bad product. Plus, Humane’s slick messaging built hype but unmet expectations and a lack of transparency damaged its credibility and trust. End result? Swift product obsolescence.

Pop Culture Cringe – Out of touch comms worth your time

Anna Kendrick’s, “Oh, You Know…” Moment
At the SXSW premiere of Another Simple Favor, Anna Kendrick was asked about reuniting with co-star Blake Lively. Her terse response, “Oh, you know…”, sparked speculation about off-screen tensions, especially given Lively's ongoing legal battles. The awkward exchange highlighted potential discord during the film's promotion.

In B2B tech this is akin to publicly downplaying a key partnership during a joint product launch. Imagine a tech firm shrugging off questions about its main cloud provider, despite shared branding and co-funded campaigns.

Lesson? Public indifference can undermine strategic alliances. When collaboration is essential, ensure your messaging reflects unity, not ambiguity.

LinkedIn Popularity Templates – Syrupy, self-congratulatory. Surprisingly effective.

Template 4: The “Truly Humbled to Speak” Post 

I am truly humbled to have been invited to speak at the FutureForward Leaders’ Summit 2025.

I’ll be sharing thoughts on purpose-led innovation, human-centred AI, and what it really means to lead with impact like bringing to the office home-baked cookies. Thanks to everyone who believed in me, challenged me, and made this possible. This one’s for the mentors, the late nights, and the gin-spiked coffee that got me here.

#GinLife #GratitudeGush #LeadershipWithCookies #FutureForwardSummit

Copy, paste, and let the clapping emojis flow.

Got some naval gazing or philosophical musing you’d like to turn into a syrupy LinkedIn post? Reply to this email with your request and I’ll do my best.

Dear Dr Comms – When spin fails, we call in the real professionals to fix our stuff-ups

Dear Dr Comms

We’re a cybersecurity firm. Last Tuesday, the AFP walked into HQ, asked for our lead threat hunter, and arrested him on the spot for allegedly hacking into (unnamed government department). And OMG, they called our office a crime scene. Now the board wants answers, the media wants statements, and our clients want to know if we’re securing their data. Shattered at the SOC.

Dear Shattered,

This sounds like anyone’s worst nightmare or a black comedy skit I could pitch to Hollywood. But I digress. Here’s how other professions would sort out this spectacular shyte-storm:

✝️ Priest (inner-city parish, low tolerance for nonsense):
"Start with a confession, not deflection. Acknowledge the breach of trust. Possibly self-flagellate at a press conference. Offer penance and a path to redemption.

🧼 Commercial Cleaner (24/7 crime scene certified):
"You can’t polish around this bloody mess. Quarantine the damage, replace compromised leadership, and decontaminate your public-facing narrative. Then sanitise your values, visibly. People need to see you scrubbing."

🎨 Anonymous Graffiti Artist (Banksy-adjacent):
“Tag it before someone else does. Acknowledge the irony, name the failure, and paint the walls with a bold new commitment like, “We keep your data secure, sometimes”.

Got a problem you wouldn’t trust the Comms Dr to fix? Reply to this email, I’ll loop in real experts. 

What The Fluff (WTF)?! – Decoding tech, something that linguists, philosophers, and your boss refuse to do

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